Ippoippo

“I think we should use the carrot and stick approach, yeah. You take a carrot, you stick it up his fucking arse, followed by the stick”

Cracking idea to get Malcolm Tucker (fictional character) to write a column in the Guardian as part of the run up to the UK General Election!

For example, who should the Labour party (Malcolm’s employers) being targetting in the upcoming Leader’s Debates on BBC, ITV and Sky.

We need to get to the people who only hear the rumours. Bottom feeders who get their views via the quotes from the models in the Daily Star. Van drivers who guard their vast ignorance with concealed Stanley knives. Businessmen who like to expose their self-aggrandising cynicism to schoolgirls on the Thameslink. These dumb motherfuckers are the battlefield. Shitheels. Dunderheads. People who when you talk to them it’s like shouting through six pieces of double glazing. Potheads, cider drinkers, kids who don’t know who Thatcher was and think the NHS grew on a big fucking NHS tree. Wankers. People who count to 11 using their 10 fingers and their head and still get it wrong. This is who we have to get to via the debates. So we are going to have to shout extremely fucking loud.

Or, his views on National Insurance Contributions, following the ‘Ask the Chancellors‘ TV debate on Channel 4.

NI cut: Look, big picture. The truth is the Tories, and now Darling with his my-dick’s-as-big-as-Thatcher’s cuts boast, have both been trying the same Jedi mind trick on folk for a while. It goes: OK, we are going to be tough, we’re going to be so fucking tough. We’re going to be brutal, you need to accept that, and we want to get the credit right now for telling you straight out how very stripped down and Mad Max in Jo’burg the future is going to be as everything goes a bit Democratic Republic of Pete Tong in the public services.

But the second part of the scam is a few nice policy announcements that go: thanks for all the credit for scaring the shit out of you so straightforwardly, but actually wink wink mate, you know what, it’s probably not going to be that bad. And mostly it’s going to be some other poor dope who takes it up the ‘arris – because, weirdly, we’ve had a look at the numbers and there might actually be a treat in all this crapola for you as it goes, because you’re not one of these filthy greedy fuckers you see on the news, you’re one of the good guys and we’ll sort you out, pal.

Obviously GO having a pop at the NI hike is just the most balls-out version of this “we’re going to fuck you so hard but it’ll weirdly turn out to be totally fine for you” mind meld. That’s why we need to target it hard and disregard Comrade Mandelson and his class war and deploy our own business-world guys to support us asap even if we have to pull the quotes from the guy who fixes your broadband and the kid with the wonky eye in Asda car park.

History, in a easy to digest form

Warning, it may not be entirely accurate and is somewhat simplified!

Gotta love the Croissants!

Hidetake Enomoto on Transition Town in Japan.

Sometimes, I feel that the whole Transition Town things is a bit wishy-washy hippy… but at the end of the day, the goal is commendable and something that we sort of need to be aiming at. I hope it starts to take off a bit in Japan.

Ahhh, you’ve gotta love Japanese late night TV.

A recurring theme seems to be on some of the more ‘edgy’ comedy shows is where they often get Japanese ‘Gravure’ Idol or ‘AV’ actress to play out a scenario in which the lady in question attempts to ‘tempt’ the contestant (usually one of the co-presenters). There are a few variations on the theme, for example you have one where the lady tries to get the contestant to kiss her. Others seem to be ‘stop getting aroused, and hit the ‘Stop’ button when you are about to give up’!

Anyway, here is a fine example!
Honoka [穂花] (AV Actress)

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Then again, you could just flat out dirty-old-man-perve like Ken Shimura does in his ‘Dr Shimura’ sketches on his comedy shows.